Tag Archives: need coffee
Public Service Announcement, #2
Signs that you need coffee, #8
You wake up on a rainy Saturday morning and desperately need a cappuccino.
You take the milk out of the fridge.
You start the milk frother without actually pouring milk into it .
You put the coffee cup under the espresso machine and press the coffee button without having turned it on.
You see the milk out of the fridge, wonder who forgot it there, and put it back in.
You stare at the coffee cup trying to understand why it’s empty.
You peek at the milk frother and are perplexed to discover it too is empty.
In this state, it will probably take a miracle for me to get the coffee I so obviously need.
Public Service Announcement, #1
Signs that you need coffee, #7
You do the first coffee break of the day, say around 10:00.
You sit at the table, feeling sleepy, wondering why the coffee hasn’t had any effect on you.
After ten whole minutes you realize you didn’t actually prepare the coffee.
I’m sure there’s some joke about vicious circles here, but I haven’t had my coffee so I’m too sleepy to think what that might be.
Signs that you need coffee, #6
You wake up on Monday morning, which is bad by itself because Monday.
You decide you’ll have tea instead of coffee so you boil some water, pour it in a mug and dip two bags of your favourite tea in it.
You go to your home office room to start your laptop, check emails etc.
Then you go back to the kitchen and spend the next 5 minutes wondering where your coffee is.
Signs that you need coffee, #5
You wake up on a beautiful sunny Swiss Sunday morning.
You go in front of your filter coffee machine which, spoiler, you have programmed to brew a coffee on a fixed time every day except Sunday.
You wait, like, 5 minutes in front of it wondering why there’s no coffee in the pot and pondering conspiracy theories which you will not confirm nor deny to include coffee-snatching aliens from Tau Ceti.
Signs that you need coffee, #4
You go at the office machine and put an espresso cup in place, which can hold 60 ml max.
You slide in an espresso capsule.
You press the “Large” button which produces around 110 ml coffee.
(spoiler alert, 110 ml is much more than 60 ml)
You stand in front of the machine in amazement while the coffee overflows the cup, wondering what went wrong.
You thank your good fortune that spared you the embarrassment as no colleague was in the company canteen at that time 🙂
Signs that you need coffee, #3
You go at the office machine and put the cup and the capsule in place. You do not press the “start” button.
You wait in front of it for 60 seconds straight, wondering is the machine is broken.
I think I need holidays. And coffee. Mostly coffee. Wait, did I finally press this button?
I’d be delighted to be proven wrong, but…
That’s my favorite line from now till the end of ever. And basically since I was born, even though I didn’t know it:
“I’d be delighted to be proven wrong, but it would take the actual proving.”
(Hat tip to David Gerard and his comment in FT Alphaville, here)